We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
