thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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