Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
