it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
