Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
