I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
