I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
