3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
