eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
