You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
