franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
