I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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