Sry I called you an 8
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
