My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
