Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
