Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
