everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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