Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
