question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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