I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
