yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
one two three fourrrrnication!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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