i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
