Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
