Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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