I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
