can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
