Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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