I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
