he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
