im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
