She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
