so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
