If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
