lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
