there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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