so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
