man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
