i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
