Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
