I'm so fucking centered right now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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