you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
