I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
