i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
