I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
