My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
