The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
