You smell like a Billy Joel song
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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