So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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