my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
