Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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