I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
